Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I Dream of a Bloodbath and Hope for a Massacre.

There is another debate coming this Thursday. Some are saying it’s a mismatch of historic proportions. We’ve had decades of cordial, podium-to-podium nonsense that hasn’t ever brought our country any closer to the truth about the candidates. All we get are weird exchanges that let the unqualified politicians squeak by, and sometimes gain stature with silly catch phrases that have nothing to do with their platform, public policy or their competence. I want that all to stop, because we deserve more.

This is the way I would want Joe Biden to open up the debate on Thursday. No pulled punches, no humor, just an assessment of his opponent unfettered by any calculated regard or politesse.

***
(SENATOR BIDEN STANDS AT THE PODIUM)
JOE BIDEN:
Thank you Gwen. I’m so glad those rightwing bigots at the RNC weren’t able to chase you out of moderating this debate. PBS is all that’s left of the news on TV. Thank you.
(Clears throat) Good evening America. My opponent is a joke.
But I’m not laughing, because Sarah Palin is the pure embodiment of the Republican Party’s abject hypocrisy and total disregard for the safety, welfare and future of the American people.
I doubt that she’s ever had to talk to more than ten people at the same time before her nomination. She has no grasp of public policy, federal laws and regulations on the national scale. She is confused by any direct question, and incapable of answering even soft-ball inquiries from hacks like Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric without resorting to a memorized statement out of sheer fear that she might actually say something.
Picking her says something loud and clear about the Republican candidate for president: Sarah Palin makes John McCain look like a doddering old idiot who is not fit to lead the nation out of a crowded parking lot, much less this financial meltdown his long voting record helped create. Nobody who respects this country and cares about its people and is concerned about its future would ever, EVER, offer up Sarah Palin as an option for any office outside the state of Alaska.
You could search the entire House of Representatives my friends, the whole of the Senate, comb the entire battery of governors at work today across this great land in EITHER party and not find a less experienced, more vapid ideologue-in-training than Sarah Palin. Well maybe Hawaii. That’s it. She might be better than the current Governor of Hawaii, Linda Lingle.*
(Actually I have to concede that this is an entirely unfair and thoughtlessly cruel comparison on my part, in just about every respect: Linda Lingle earned a bachelor's degree in journalism (cum laude) from California State University in 1975. In Hawaii, she first worked as a public information officer for the Teamsters and Hotel Workers Union. She later founded a newspaper the Molokai Free Press...So, in retrospect, she's a formidable intellect, when all is said and done. I sincerely apologize for this reckless and groundless insult to Governor Lingle. I am leaving it in the post in acknowledgment of the error, I certainly wish I could employ a strikethrough on the text however. -SJ)
In conclusion, if you’re in any way okay with this embarrassment to the republic that is running for the office of Vice President, then you HATE America.
If you’re okay with Sarah Palin for Vice President then you don’t believe in the future of the country, and you even hate our kids… because it is they who will live in the putrid smoking aftermath of the hell on earth Sarah Palin will bring about when she sits behind that desk in the Oval office.
***

Refreshing isn't it? I think if you’re going to lose to the dumb kid, it’s better to go down with dignity and fully afire…

What if instead of “sighing” back during the 2000 presidential debates, Al Gore had responded to George W. Bush’s “sound bite” rebuttals with something along the lines of:

“FUZZY MATH?” did you just say “fuzzy math” to me, you goldbricking idiot?!
Don’t stand there smiling at me. Maybe percentages blow your mind, maybe numbers confuse a simpleton like you, maybe people have let you get by with that kind of nonsense when you were daddy’s little boy at Yale, but you are addressing the nation right now, you dumbass. I guess math certainly is “fuzzy”, if you’re too stupid to grasp what a percentage is. Yeah, you keep smiling. Tell me, is that the same stupid smile you gave the professors at Yale when they looked at your papers and wondered -even with your father’s name- just how an empty headed moron like you slid under their doors? Get off this stage and go fetch somebody else for me to debate if you’re gonna get thrown by every figure I mention to you. Idiot.

Yes. That’s the stuff.
I long for an America where the stupid, the dense, and the dimwitted are not emboldened to present their opinions as facts or convictions. I long for an America where idiots are afraid to speak up, are running for their very lives and live in constant fear and embarrassment.

Sadly, I live in this America. I live in a nation where halfwits are encouraged to run for the highest office in the land, and sometimes win.

-SJ

3 comments:

Michael Hew said...

I couldn't agree with you more.

SJ said...

I think I owe Linda Lingle an apology though. She ran a newspaper before becoming Governor of Hawaii.
-SJ

SJ said...

Linda Lingle earned a bachelor's degree in journalism (cum laude) from California State University in 1975. In Hawaii, she first worked as a public information officer for the Teamsters and Hotel Workers Union. She later founded a newspaper the Molokai Free Press...
So, in retrospect, she's a formidable intellect, when all is said and done.
-SJ