Monday, December 28, 2009

New Year's Resolutions

2009 is about to be another page in the history books and as we look forward to the new year, here are the resolutions that I hope a selected few are making:

1) Rahm Emanuel - Grow a pair of testicles

2) Sarah Palin - Read a book, or a newspaper, or a pamphlet or a menu or anything that might actually contain some useful information

3) John Boehner - Spend some more time working for the people you represent and less time working on your tan

4) Dr. Tom Couburn - Read the Hippocratic oath every day and try to remind yourself that wishing for the death or disability of others is not included

5) Mitch McConnel - Buy a dictionary and remind yourself that there are other useful words included besides no

6) Joe Lieberman - Be thankful that Jews don't believe in hell because there's a special level set aside for people like you

7) Max Baucus and Ben Nelson - Save some of that money from the health care lobby for an early retirement

8) Olympia Snowe - Try to remind yourself that unlike a female lead singer in a band, the world does not revolve around you

9) Newt Gingrich - Announce you're running for President on April 1, so that we can all have a good laugh

10) Keith Olberman - Stop doing the mocking voices because it lowers the perceived quality of your sports commentary

11) Glen Beck & Rush Limbaugh - Come to the realization that (in the words of the immortal Dean Wormer) fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life


That's all for now folks. Have a happy and safe New Year's celebration.

9 comments:

Jack Jodell said...

LOL! What a creative and original post, Mycue23! Great advice, too! Happy New Year!

Mycue23 said...

Thanks, Jack. You have a great new year's celebration as well.

Gwendolyn H. Barry said...

Michael! Great fun! You have a wonderfully generous heart ... you have. Happy New Year darlin!

Mycue23 said...

Same to you, Gwendolyn. Let's hope the new year brings us a bounty of good news.

Gwendolyn H. Barry said...

U can bet cha ass I'm going to send energy all over that sentiment! Good news! We need some good news! LOL
Be well...safe and happy during the holidays!

Beach Bum said...

I know a lady whose tan looks just like John Boehner's and it comes from one of those spray-on tan places. She's just as whacked out as him so his condition may be chemical related.

THELASER'SEDGE said...

Just stopped by to check out you site and say hello. I also wanted to wish you all the best for the coming new year. May it make our smart leaders smarter and strike the Tea Baggers and Birthers speechless for they are already stupid.

SJ said...

Same to you Laser's Edge, and to you all on behalf of myself (SJ) and Mycue23 -who is currently away from all internet access and in flight to visit friends in Boston.

We're life long Yankees fans so imagine him flying into the ninth circle of hell with a "Satan's a Total Pussy" tee shirt on, to give you a sense of what vacationing in Boston is like for us.

Love the town, hate the Red Sox.

Happy New Year's all.
-SJ

TomCat said...

Hi Mycue. This is truly excellent. I particularly like #7.