T-O-R-T-U-R-E!!

In the spirit of the Third Reich and their infamous Wannsee Conference (the Nazi conference where the "final solution" was agreed upon, which the rest of the world came to know as the Holocaust), the Bush administration held their own little conference (where they decided to engage in "enhanced interrogation" techniques, which the rest of the world calls torture). Just to illustrate the effectiveness of the techniques they agreed upon, I wanted to make a list the things that I would admit to being responsible for just under the threat of torture:

1. I killed JFK (I know I wasn't born yet, but I'm pretty sure I influenced the guy who did the actual shooting). Lincoln, Garfield and McKinley as well.
2. I killed MLK. Malcolm X too.
3. I killed RFK.
4. Shot the Pope, Killed Ghandi.
5. I was the mastermind of the Lindbergh baby kidnapping.
6. Keeping Monica's blue dress was my idea.
7. New Coke.
8. S&L scandal.
9. I shot Archduke Ferndinand (thereby igniting WWI).
10. I introduced Cocaine to America and am currently funding all the underground meth labs in the US.
11. Breaking into DNC headquarters at the Waterage hotel, my idea.
12. Enron, all me.
13. Iran-Contra.
14. I outed Valerie Plame.
15. I was the behind the failed attempt to get the US to convert to the Metric system.
16. The USFL.
17. Calculus (I'm particularly sorry about that one).
18. The vast right wing conspiracy.
19. George W. Bush (Don't tell his Dad, I promised Barbara that I keep this one secret).

The fact that the administration decided to start a pre emptive war against a sovereign nation that had not taken a single aggressive step toward us was not bad enough. They then decided to turn themselves into international criminals by ignoring the UN treaty which the United States signed, which strictly forbids torture of prisoners. In fact the treaty makes it clear that anyone who sanctions torture or commits torture is guilty of a criminal act. Trying to change the definition of what torture is, does not change the reality of what you are doing. To have our government sanction the inhumane and barbaric treatment of human beings is a crime. The words of the then Attorney General, John Ashcroft will echo through time, "History will not judge this kindly". No shit Sherlock.